Love In The Dark
by Rukia-K1
Summary: AU. I don't know how old I was when I fell for him, but I fell hard. He was my first love and he didn't love me back. He was in love with someone else, blind to my feelings. I did not say a word to him about any of it, however. I knew it was for the best that he was not aware of my feelings. Then the royal ball came...and so did he.
1. Prologue

A/N: I haven't written anything for Bleach in a very long time but my emotions are running strong for it. This is an AU to where they live in a kingdom. I haven't decided the time period yet but it will be more modernized than some other AU's out there. I hope this is enjoyable. Also this is just a prologue so sorry it's short!

* * *

 _AU. I don't know how old I was when I fell for him, but I fell hard. He was my first love and he didn't love me back. He was in love with someone else, blind to my feelings. I did not say a word to him about any of it, however. I knew it was for the best that he was not aware of my feelings. When I was fully aware of them, my Father put on a ball for me to find someone to rule the kingdom with. And that is how my whole life was changed. A man from the kingdom of Hueco Mundo was going to change everything._

* * *

 ** _00:_**

 ** _Prologue: The Royal Ball is Announced_**

* * *

"You're kidding me." I look at the obvious postings around the castle, and _I know_ that they're also posted all around the kingdom. "He's gone too far." I hiss, walking quickly for the chambers of my Father. He knows exactly how I feel about all of this! He should have at least asked me before he went through with it… I open the doors, and he looks up at me with a smile on his face. "Father, you _have_ to be kidding me." The smile turns to a frown as he stands up.

"Ichigo…It's _time_ for you to find a wife…or husband, I don't really mind you know that son." He walks towards me, ignoring how angry I am right now. "And you do not seem to wish to do this on your own, meaning I need to take some more… drastic measures. You are going to inherit this kingdom, Ichigo." He says softly, stopping in front of me. "I need you to take care of it when I'm no longer here… You know that."

"I don't want some stupid ball to determine that for me!" I scowl, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"I know, I know. But it was the only solution that we could come up with… I think it'll go well, we have invited princes and princesses from the other kingdoms as well as our subjects. I know someone there will catch your eye." I can't tell him that someone already has. It wouldn't bode well for me to tell him.

"Fine." I murmur softly, turning around. "But I expect that you know what you're doing old man." I leave the room, stalking down the hallway to my room. I had already finished my lessons for the day, and now I was free. I smile some, opening the door.

"Ichigo," I hear the voice behind me as I move to step into my room. Pausing myself, I turn to look at the owner of the voice. The redhead who stands there smiles at me, his uniform clinging to his body and the armor giving off a small glint. "I heard about the ball, I can only imagine that you went and gave your old man a piece of your mind." He lets out a small laugh, stepping into my room after me. He knows I welcome him here, and allow him to do as he pleases.

"Renji," I smile at him gently, allowing him to sit down on one of the couches. My chambers has two rooms, a bedroom and a living area to which I enjoy the company of others in. It is rare for anyone to be allowed into my bedroom. That is more private and only for those I can absolutely trust. "I am not pleased that he didn't even ask me, but now it is in motion." I sit opposite of him and he chuckles.

"It says you're finally looking for someone to rule with." He takes off the armor piece by piece. "I hope it goes well, your Father is getting desperate it seems." He murmurs this before huffing at one piece that doesn't want to come off. "Oh yeah, I'll be going to. Your Father said that I could go as a civilian this time. I'll still keep my eye out for you though, I don't want you to get hurt." He looks up with that stupid ass grin, the one that makes my heart ache.

"Oh yeah?" I say gently, getting ready for what I know he will say next. I know how his brain works by now, and I know exactly what is on his mind. He gets a little red, sitting there for a moment.

"I'm going to ask her this time…last time I couldn't…" He says softly, avoiding looking at me. "But I think… I think this time I can, and she'll hopefully say yes." I smile a little at him.

"I know she will." For years he's been in love with the same person… Rukia Kuchiki. She's one of the nobles around here, who lost their title to the crown many generations ago. However, she was adopted into the family which at the time had caused a lot of controversy… We had stopped it, and she had lived a good life since then. Since they were kids, Renji and her have been friends. That's how he fell for her in the first place. It hurts to know it all, but I accept it either way. "You two have been together for _years_." I say softly, and he smiles a little bit.

"I know but her brother has been against me asking her before…" He trails off. "But I gained a high place in the Royal Guard for a reason! I hope now he thinks I'm worthy enough to take her to a ball." He gets a little red in the face at the thought. He hopes, and prays, for this to go well. I smile a little bit, my heart aches at the notion.

"I'm sure he will." I move to stand up. "You can rest in here until your shift if you want. I have some homework to attend to before I begin to prepare." He blinks at me, watching my movements.

"You sure? I mean this is your chambers after all, I don't want to be intrusive." I smile weakly, if only he knew how much I loved his company.

"No, Renji, it's fine." I say softly. "Besides you deserve to rest before your shift." I start to head for my bedroom. "And besides your job is to guard my sisters and I… So I don't see why it's such a big deal for you to rest in here."

He hesitates still, before nodding a little. "I suppose. Alright, thank you, Prince Ichigo." He addresses me formally and I sigh.

"Renji, you don't have to be formal until others are around… You know this." I have known Renji for a long time as well, ever since I first snuck out of the castle to explore… He smiles a little bit.

"Okay, but I don't want to slip up when we go to the ball. After all, I've done it before and a lot of people were horrified your guard didn't regard you properly."

"…I highly doubt we will see one another there." I say it softly, knowing he will be busy with Rukia… And that I have a _duty_ to uphold.

"Huh? I mean I know you're going to be busy but I still want to keep an eye out for you. I mean, you did know some of the _Arrancar_ family is coming right?" I make a small noise at the notion, turning my head to look at the redhead.

"My Father invited the _Arrancars_? I mean it may be to make some peace but…" I trail off, wondering what my old man is thinking. If the Arrancars were there then this ball could turn out very different. As long as I have been alive, the Arrancars have been the one royal family I was warned about. Before I was born the kingdom of _Hueco Mundo_ was taken over by them, and is now ruled strongly by the family. The King was actually a defector from our kingdom, _Saviorenty_ , whom was not happy with the rule in this kingdom. For years we have been tense with them, and this is the first time I have heard of them being invited into the kingdom for anything. I can only imagine what my Father is trying to pull by doing this.

"…you don't think he's trying to court you with one of them, do you?" Renji's thoughts are my own, and I feel sick to my stomach. "Ichigo…I don't think he would…He could never do that. They were the reason your…the queen died." I look back at him, knowing it could very well be true.

"I don't…I don't know." I leave the room quickly following this, feeling a little sick to my stomach. I don't want that to be true. I can only hope that my thoughts are false. But why would my Father ever invite anyone from the _Arrancar_ family into our home…?


	2. 01: How Much He Means To Me

_A/N: Here is chapter two! Now, I haven't been able to come up with many other side couples. So if you have any ideas send me a message or something. Currently Hisagi and Kensei are my main side couple (I may even dedicate a side story to them if I feel like it). But I do want there to be the presence of other couples in this._

* * *

 _AU. I don't know how old I was when I fell for him, but I fell hard. He was my first love and he didn't love me back. He was in love with someone else, blind to my feelings. I did not say a word to him about any of it, however. I knew it was for the best that he was not aware of my feelings. When I was fully aware of them, my Father put on a ball for me to find someone to rule the kingdom with. And that is how my whole life was changed. A man from the kingdom of Hueco Mundo was going to change everything._

* * *

 ** _01:_**

 ** _How Much He Means To Me_**

* * *

"Has your dad told you who exactly was invited?" Renji is sitting with me in my chambers. He's off duty for the day, and doesn't want to head back to his home just yet. He's been asking me about the ball every day since it was announced, even if my answers don't change.

"He did," I set my pencil down for the moment, my homework can wait. Besides my teacher is attending something tomorrow and will not be back for my lessons. Instead I will be with another teacher over ballroom dancing.

"Oh? What other Kingdoms has he invited then?" He grins, and I know that he is specifically thinking about someone.

"Well you know the Arrancars were invited," I say gently, "but he also invited the Vizards." Renji's grin grows, and I shake my head. "Renji why are you getting excited? Neither of these kingdoms are very friendly." I sigh.

"Yeah but someone is going to be really happy they're coming~" Renji is still grinning when I look back at him.

"Huh? Who are you talking about?"

"Shuuhei." He stands up, stretching, that grin not leaving his face. "He was really close to one of the Vizards when they were still allowed here in the kingdom."

"Oh," I blink. I have met Shuuhei before, but it didn't last long. He grew up in the same orphanage as Renji, if I am recalling that right. He was skinny, and very skittish around me.

"Hm…" Renji sits down next to me. "You know, this is going to be good for you and the kingdom. I think allowing them back in will be good for everyone."

"I guess, but it's only for the night." I look at him, my heart skipping a beat. I contain my need to tell him everything, and shake my head. "After that they will all return to their kingdoms and it will be done."

"Unless you take to one of them," he says it simply and my heart sinks just a little bit, "then two of these kingdoms could be united under marriage." I smile weakly, nodding. I cannot express to him that there is someone else I want… Because he sits next to me, with feelings for someone else.

"Yeah…" I look back at the homework, picking my pencil up. He watches me, laying his head on his hand.

"Ichigo, you're not ready for this…" He knows the answer to what he said. He _knows_ that I'm not ready. "You're only 19, and you're not ready for the idea of marrying someone."

"…no I'm not." I say softly, biting my lip just a little. "I'm not ready to be with someone for the rest of my life unless I know they're the right one for me. I do not want to be one of those kings I read about that killed or divorced their lover because they were unhappy or forced to marry." I twirl the pencil in my hand just a little bit. "…I want to marry someone that I love." I whisper softly.

"Someone you love…yeah that sounds nice." He smiles, and I know he's thinking about Rukia. "I hope I can do that too."

"I'm sure you will, Renji." I close the book in front of me, getting up from my seat. "Have you asked her yet?" He blinks, snapping out of his thoughts. I start to walk for my bedroom, wanting to get something from it.

"No, I haven't. I can't think of a good way to ask her!" He frowns. "Byakuya said he won't stop me, but he won't help me…so I need to think up something good…." I smile a little bit, turning to look at him.

"Renji, you're over thinking it. Just tell her, I'm sure she'll accept." He frowns but I speak before he does. "If you just ask her, then you won't waste all of the time before the ball thinking of something. Because then you'll be going by yourself." It hurts me to even say these words, but I know he loves her so much.

"Are you sure?" He lays his head down a little. "I just want her to get something special."

"Then bring her flowers." I shake my head. "If you over think it, you won't get anywhere fast."

"I suppose." He muses, sighing a little. "Okay, I guess I'll go ask her tonight." I smile just a little bit.

"You'll do fine." I murmur, before stepping into my room. I close my eyes; the ache grows worse as I distance myself from him. I just have to keep telling myself how much he loves her; how much he wants to be with her. It makes it hurt worse, but it keeps me from doing something stupid…like telling him. I know he'll stay here for a while, thinking that I'm going to come out…but I don't… I don't want to come back out now. I'm kind of just done for the moment. I have to be strong in front of him but… It's really hard! I struggle to keep everything in check… I mean he's…he's so nice and he understands all of my problems… But I should _never_ have fallen for him. Because I fell for him, I… I struggle now. It's odd, I've never said that before. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. "It'll be alright…I can…I can meet someone at the ball." Convincing myself of this is harder than I would have thought. I bite my lip just a little bit. "Yeah, I can meet someone there…"

 _x-x-x-x_

It was about an hour before the door to my room opened. Renji is standing in the doorway, a soft look on his face. "Hey, you doin' okay?" It's rare for that small but of an accent to slip out, but he shows it sometimes around me.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired…" I can lie to him easily, but he always figures out somehow. Renji remains in the doorway, hesitating.

"Should I leave then? So you can get some rest?" He smiles a little uneasily. He doesn't want to just leave, I can tell. "I mean, you need it, don't you?" I sit up gently then, looking at him.

"…Renji…" I hesitate, biting my lip. "What if I don't want to go to the ball? What if I already love someone?" I close my eyes. I won't tell him who, but I want to know what he says. My bed dips a little bit, and with it I slowly open my eyes. Renji sits there, looking at me carefully.

"Ichigo if you love someone then you need to tell your father!" I bite my lip, and shake my head.

"But…but that's the problem…" My voice cracks a little bit, I'm feeling overwhelmed. He's so close to me but I can't touch him. That's just…that's _poisonous_. "I can't…" He looks at me, frowning.

"What's stopping you from telling this person? If you love them then you need to let them know!" I feel my heart stop, and I look down.

"I can't, Renji. I can't tell…because they love someone else. They…they care about someone else so much more than they care about me…" He won't get the clue; I know he won't. And I won't tell him anything. There is no way that I can…I just… I can't do that. He looks concerned, moving closer to me just a bit.

"…Ichigo…that's not healthy." He says it softly. I wince just a little bit at how he says everything, he has no idea that it's him I'm talking about. "If…if that's what is happening you _really_ need to re-evaluate anything. You won't know until you try, and you have to try. I don't know who this person is, but you have to tell them how you feel… Even if you get rejected, you can't keep holding onto this love forever… I mean, even without Rukia loving someone else I feel so scared she'll reject me…" He trails off, furrowing his brows. "Are you talking about Rukia?" Man, sometimes I want to smack him upside the head. He's such an idiot.

"No." I shake my head at him, sighing just a little bit. "I'm not talking about Rukia, don't worry." I should have known he would instantly think about her though…that was just what he did. "I won't take her from you." He looks relieved but also worried.

"Okay, then who is it? I mean you don't stay in contact with that many people. There aren't many options I can think…. Don't tell me you're sneaking out of the castle again?! I mean that was all good when we were younger and you would meet up with me but…" He frowns a little bit. "It's dangerous to go out by yourself now…you're going to be crowned King soon…and people are going to try and kidnap you if you're not careful…" He looks worried. "Ichigo, please tell me who this person is… I need to know if you're in danger… Because- "

I put a finger over his lips, man he is just too dense. I don't slip out of the castle often anymore, if anything it's to go to the markets. That's about it, as after all I have a lot more to do now than when I was a kid. "Renji, calm down…" I sigh softly. "It's no one bad… I've known them for years and I trust them with…with my life." He frowns, trying to rack his brain for who this person is. "I know that I can trust them, they won't betray me… But they love someone else and I know it won't happen. They won't love me like that, and it's okay…" I bite my lip just a little. "It's okay." I've never said that out loud before, and I regret it the second I do. Tears are falling down from my eyes, and I can't understand why. I have refused to cry for years, wanting to be strong for my family. Yet, this…this hurts me.

The next thing I know is Renji's arms are wrapped tight around me, a hand on my head, keeping it to his neck. "Hey…hey it's okay…" He whispers this directly into my ear and I close my eyes. The tears fall without me wanting them to, and finally a small sob rips out from my throat. _God_. He has no idea how much this hurts me… How much I want to… I want to _run_ but I can't. I can't break his embrace no matter how much I don't want to _fall_ any harder. It takes a while for me to calm down…and even longer for Renji to let go of me. He wipes the remaining tears away from my eyes, looking at me sadly.

"I'm sorry Ichigo…" He whispers, touching my face gently. I hate…I hate this so much. He's so nice, so kind, and just…so loving! I can't stand it…oh god, I can't stand how he makes me feel. "I'm sorry this person makes you feel like that…" He bites his lip and looks away. "I'm sorry that I can't do anything to help you…and I…I see how much it hurts you…" He looks back at me. "I've been your friend for years Ichigo… If you need me to be there for you, then let me…let me be there for you and help you through this." I want to say no…I can't… I can't allow him to help me when I am in love with him and…that won't go away with his "help"… I'll just want to love him more. "I can help you find someone better at the ball- "

"No…no Renji you can't do that." I shake my head, making a small noise when his hand falls off of my face. "…you need…you need to take Rukia and have a good time. I am not your responsibility that day… Your task of that day is to simply take her and have fun. You have _no_ obligation to stay with me…are we clear?" I whisper, and he bites his lip but he nods.

"Yeah…I…I get it…but…" He frowns, looking at me. I can see so many emotions flicker in his eyes, like he doesn't know how to feel about any of this. Something in him just…it just can't handle what I've told him. "You deserve to be happy to Ichigo. If you really love this person…" He hesitates. "If you're willing to cry over them, I would tell them. They deserve to know how much you care about them… How much you love them." I smile weakly, and he smiles back at me. "They have no idea how lucky they would be to have you in their life…" I want to kick myself, knowing I can't tell Renji for sure now. He has this idea all wrapped up in his head about who this person could be, and what they're like. He has no idea…no idea that I'm talking about him.

A knock sounds on my door and Renji quickly gets off of my bed, clearing his throat. He knows the consequences if someone were to see him so close to me… "C-Come in." I bite my lip just a little bit, knowing that my eyes are still red from crying. I also can _tell_ how uncomfortable Renji is in this situation as well. The door opens to one of the guards. He blinks upon seeing Renji with me, but is soon to dismiss it.

"Prince Ichigo, some selected members of the noble families are here to speak with you," he clears his throat, "you must bring someone with you to attend. Your father is unable to make the meeting." I give a side-glance to Renji. My sisters are far too young to go with me, and I would honestly _love_ if he was the one to come with me. Not just…because of that but because I know he won't let anything bad happen to me in case things go…in a negative direction.

"I understand, where is this being held?" I stand up, moving to change. Renji moves then to grab the appropriate garments from my closet. He knows how these things work as well, and I've never loved that fact more than now. He hands them to me, the guard looking at his feet as I change.

"The third floor meeting room, in the south wing, sir." He says it quickly, and I nod.

"Thank you, you are dismissed." He slips out as I finish dressing. Renji helps pull on the last piece of my outfit. "Would it bother you if you came with me on your day off?" He laughs, looking at me.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He bows politely at me and I smile.

"Don't start the formalities until we're there…" I look at myself in the mirror, sighing. It's not too evident that I was crying but…it still stands out.

"Don't worry, no one will notice." He touches my shoulder. "We need to talk about all of that later though when you're more relaxed and…stable." I look at him and nod just a little bit. I think I gave him a real scare when I began to cry. That is one thing that he is not capable of dealing with when it comes to me. He knows how to do almost everything else, but this is something that he just can't do.

"Yeah, come on."

 _x-x-x-x_

I step into the room, seeing several of the nobles already seated, their children either standing behind them or sitting next to them. Some children stand behind an empty chair; they had not yet been allowed to take over the titles of the nobles that had died or defected in some cases. Each stand in turn and bow as I walk by. I smile just a little bit, uncomfortable by how they treat me. I don't personally like this much attention. I sit down calmly at the head of the table, Renji to my right. "I understand you are all here for a reason." I put my hands together in my lap.

"We need to speak about the ball," a long haired male with an eyepatch is the first to speak. His voice lets out a low growl and I smile just a little bit. Kenpachi Zaraki, a noble that rose to the ranks through war and bloodshed. However, we kept him instead of taking him out. Why? Well as I understood it, we would need him in the case of a war. Especially if war broke out between us and the Arrancars.

"Of course, now what exactly do you have in mind?" I smile, looking around the room.

"We should focus on who will be there, your Father will not give us the details." Byakuya Kuchiki speaks up then, looking over at me. Rukia sits next to him, a hand over his. Probably to keep him from saying something he will regret.

"Of course, well…" I reach for a paper and pen as it is held out to me. "We have several other Kingdoms invited, and many of the commoners are invited as well. All noble houses are to be represented." It's hard for me to remain so calm with all that has happened today. And it's even worse when I see Renji looking at Rukia, smiling a little bit. He must be imagining what would happen if she actually said yes to him.

"What other kingdoms?" One of the elder nobles, Shunsui Kyoraku, finally speaks up. "I heard that the Vizards were invited, of course, under a pretense, but who else?"

I clear my throat, not sure how to inform the nobles about the Arrancars. I know some royal guards were informed, such as Renji, but my Father was not in the mood to start an argument with the nobles over the Arrancars. "My Father decided the best course of action was to invite the Arrancars as well. Together with the Vizards, the two kingdoms are the only ones invited." There is a mixture of responses to what I have informed them of. I cleared my throat. "There is no arguing over the fact now, they have already been invited. Now my Father wants all the Nobles to be on their best behavior." I stand up. "There will be consequences if you do not behave in front of them. As for your questions on why, I cannot address that." I leave before there is any arguing about the matter. I know they probably had more questions but right now, I just want to go back and sleep. My Father can deal with the issues they have over the Arrancars coming…

I notice about halfway to my room that Renji is absent from my side, but I shake my head. He was under no obligation to come back to my room with me. _He's probably going to ask Rukia_. I smile weakly, stepping into my chambers as I dread the next time I see him. _He'll be with her, probably._ He'll be happy. That is what hits me the hardest, knowing how happy he'll be with her. _But he deserves it, he really loves her_. The tears are coming back to my eyes now. _He really loves her…_ I cover my face, stopping in my tracks. My emotions are starting to take hold, whirl in my head. _Fuck_. I love him so much…and I don't know what to do with myself. "Fuck!" I hiss to myself, to the empty room. I don't know if I could ever meet anyone that would replace him.


End file.
